Coaching is powerful. It is a powerful tool, and now the industry seems to be growing at unprecedented speed. And yet, it still seems that anybody can be a coach. Basically, when you do not know what to do, instead of pause and reflect, become a coach. I do not particularly agree with that, since I do not think that anybody has what it takes to become a coach, such as particular empathy, intuition, sensitivity and at the same time the business strategy that shows the client how to get from A to B.
But, at the same time, why not? Isn’t it the same thing, when there was like a boom in the IT industry around the beginning of the year 2000 and everybody suddenly wanted to know how to program? Funny enough, the IT and the coaching industry are the fastest growing industries now! The bigger freedom that people experience in their professional journey, and social media, contribute to having more people expressing what they can do, how they feel and how they can help people. Then why does life coaching have a such lower reputation sometimes?
I think because it is something that belongs to the humanities. Whatever people are studying that it is difficult to put in a box, and therefore more intangible, has lower reputation. Because selling the intangible is equally hard, whereas programming (that for me is equally hard and intangible) has tangible results.
Therefore, in my experience with my own coaching practice, I think that the best tool that life coaches can use, it to create methodologies, whose heart is the client. However, creating methodologies takes time, and you need to have experienced success in those methodologies during a certain number of years, to be able to sell them confidently.
I’d like to make an example of my own methodology that fills an important gap, as mentioned in the title of this article: your needs and how to truly communicate them. Since my specialty is assertive communication, in order to bring the results to the clients (who will eventually communicate more confidently and assertively), I need to describe how to get there. You see, some of the clients might not get that the change to make is 360 degrees change: of attitude, of beliefs, setting boundaries, and much more.
If I were to give a class of assertive communication, I might just use the main skills and techniques and teach them. But that is precisely where
the beauty of life coaching kicks in: I take you there in a deeper, meaningful way, operating a transformation that starts within. If I were to only teach the assertiveness techniques, the risk would be that people use them for some time, but they might not truly embrace or believe them. So, the change will not be possible under these circumstances.
Self-esteem and self-acceptance work: If I accept my needs, my wishes and believe that what I need is valid, my self-esteem and confidence will increase. Creating a great basis for great communication
Boundary setting: this has to do with an unconscious (or conscious) people-pleasing attitude. If I base my self-esteem on external factors, I will try to please others in order to feel worthy. If I nurture my self-esteem, I will be able to place healthy boundaries in all areas of my life, without feeling tremendous guilt. And you actually become more open to others.
Communication: how do I usually communicate? Do you get feedback on your way of communicating? Or have you ever asked others how they feel when you give them feedback? If you are conscious about your communication style, and at the same type open to challenge it, then assertive communication will be fascinating for you.
Communication 2: Ok, maybe your communication style is getting better and you are open to improvements. However, do you still find it difficult to disagree? Hold the discomfort of a difficult conversation: you can learn a lot. Use non-violent communication.
Make it stick: make assertiveness your routine and habit, believe in yourself and check-in with yourself often. Creating a new habit can he hard for others to take, and they might make you feel like you have changed. How to make this change sustainable? We do that together.
This is what I love about life coaching. It is practical, it’s targeted, it’s hopeful. It’s just that not everyone sees it that way. And that can be our mission as coaches: to make the world understand the journey and transformation we create. We seem to belong to the intangible services world, but if you look at it closer, we actually create tangible results for individuals! Never stop studying and research the science behind your coaching method: you will own it!
When I first had my own coaching session as a client, I really noticed how my mind was ‘cluttered’ with assumptions, with fears and ancient clichés, and how the coaching questions opened infinite possibilities.